Tuesday, December 14, 2010

The Holidays

Back in December 2005 I had a really difficult time with Christmas.  Having just found out that I was HIV Positive and being out on a cruise ship and away from home at a time where I wanted to be at home.  Here I was stuck on a ship hiding this secret from pretty much everyone and trying to research and get information and educate myself on HIV.  I had told one person at this point then I told my long time best friend Shannon and then I told my adage partner, best friend, fiance, you name it she is it to me, Valerie.

At one point on the ship Valerie came to me and let me know that someone had told others about my status and people were talking about it behind my back.  That was all finally cleared up and brought to light and thank god for Valerie and her always having my back.  One day after a rehearsal two on the ship two people came up to me and told me someone was still talking about it and sharing my status with others.  (just so everyone knows it is never okay to reveal someone status without their permission that is for them to share not you) I had reached my limit at this point and blew up and it was a scene straight out of every diva movie you could imagine.  I decided at this point it was time just to bring it all to the table so people would stop talking about behind my back and told cast members that were still there.  I then went and confronted the person that was supposedly telling everyone.  I blew up at this person and we didn't talk to each other for a while.  Unfortunately this all happened but it helped me to start talking about it and building my support system and my friend and I have a stronger and better relationship than anyone could ever imagine.  He is such an amazing friend and rock in my time of need.

The point of this blog is that you need a strong support system to get thru the rough times.  There were times when I just wanted to crawl in the corner and cry my eye out.  I was scared to tell people about my being positive mostly out of my own embarrassment and shame actually not because of how someone else was going to react to me.  Once other people knew about my status I had a support system and it was so much easier to get thru the day.  

I have been talking to others recently about being newly diagnosed and they struggles they have face so I wanted to share my story because I was stressed about keeping my secret when there was no need to keep it a secret or be stressed about it.  If you are reading this and looking for a support system talk to someone close to you or start building a new support system.

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